Our motley crew was on their way to Megiddo, and it was freaking out the Navigator, a devout Christian Evangelist and fervent believer in end times prophecy. They had been faxed and Emergency War Order to drop on an IDF defensive position that was stopping ISIS from advancing south and liberating the Palestinians from Zionist control.
They still had two B61 nuclear bombs outfitted for high altitude drop. The plan was to drop on Megiddo then fly straight to Tehran and get refueled. There was a problem, Command was adamant that under no conditions should they land at a non SAC base with a nuke. So they needed an extra target before landing in Iran.
The pilot remembered his favorite sinister site, the Black Cube at Mecca. Mecca was the holiest of Muslim sites, they had destroyed the Dome of the Rock Mosque, would they be able to destroy Mecca without their Iranian F-14 escort shooting them down? Captain Pickens thought so, he figured he wouldn’t be having that thought unless it was so. The F-14 would soon be out of fuel and after they dropped the next bomb the F-14 would be long gone.
So here he was,on the most epic flight of his career, with real nukes on board, and dropping them on the very places he didn’t like. How could it get any better than this, he wondered? But before he blasted the black cube back to hell, there was the world’s most moral army blocking the rescue of the Palestinians. The IDF had the roads blocked in northern Palestine, they weren’t going to give ISIS a free pass. The hardline Zionists were blackmailing the world with their Palestinian hostages.
The main part of Israel’s artillery and Merkava tanks were on the Megiddo hill, shelling any convoys coming southbound. Israel had created the monster called ISIS, the long range plan of the Zionist was to create greater Israel. But just like the movies, the Frankenstein turned on its master. ISIS was the mad dog that chewed threw its leash, and they were moving south liberating Palestine.
The main highways were already a big mess, ISIS forces were huge, nearly every able bodied Muslim joined their ranks after the nukes fell. It was the hey day for ISIS, and they needed a little help, Christ to the rescue. Pickens was coming up from the south, behind the defensive hilltop position, it was going to look like the big bad ole USA was coming to Israel’s rescue again. It was a perfect setup, and bomb time was only 10 minutes away.
The Navigator was nervous, here he was acting out a part in a play he had read about in the Left Behind book series. He prayed to Jesus, making the Jewish Radar Navigator nervous. The Radar asks, “You really believe in that stuff, don’t you?”
Pickens heard that and laughs over the com, “Hey Nav, no worries, on this bomb run you are playing the part of Jesus. You are the spirit of Christ coming to the rescue of the Palestinians, we are going to smite the forces of evil and free Palestine!”
“Sure, pilot.” the Nav said nervously. The crew members automatically ran their checklists, the pilot feathered the throttles and maintained bomb run airspeed. He was manually flying as he usually did on bomb runs. The idea was to have the wings perfectly level, without any rolling moment or pitch as the bomb left the bomb bay, that way the bomb left the aircraft with only the forward inertial momentum that was programmed into the bombing computer.
The fuel was getting low, they needed any amount they could get because that would increase their options, especially getting out of the Middle East hell hole that they were busy nuking. The pilot breaks radio silence and calls for fuel. It’s only 5 minutes to bomb drop. He gets a reply, the tanker is 200 miles south, about half way to Mecca. He makes quick arrangements to meet up.
That is really strange he thinks to himself. What are the chances that the very tanker I need is exactly on the route I secretly intended to take? “Hey Radar, did you fax anyone our secret plan?” The Radar, also very smart and long term crew member, always knew that any question from the pilot directed at him was of extreme importance. “Not a word to a single soul, sir.”
Next, the copilot jabs Pickens again, he knows what that means, the F-14 is back. “Pilot, there’s two F-14’s on our right wing, sir.” He says mocking the Radars use of ‘sir’. “The same Iranian camel jockey is giving us the thumbs up, SIR.” The F-14’s wingman then skids under the BUFF to the left wing just as the bomb bay doors open, the rush of air turbulence fills the cockpit. The Nav starts reading the bomb checklist over the com. “Pilot, two minutes to bomb drop.”
Down on the ground, IDF soldiers are cheering the approaching B-52, they can see it outlined with the contrails of two fighter escorts. Little do they know the bomb is intended for them, not the approaching ISIS armored column. The Nav starts the countdown, “Pilot, stand by for countdown, …, 10, 9, …” Radar chimes in “Keep the wings steady, pilot” ” … 3, 2, 1, bomb away, pilot turn right heading 150.”
“Hey Radar, what was the bomb yield setting?” The pilot asks the radar as he rolls the wings level after the turn. “F, remember we changed it to F?” “Yeah I remember, do you know what F means? “What?” “F means FUCK ISRAEL!” The crew laughs, “20 seconds to detonation, SIR!” the Nav says over the com. The crew laughs again, ‘SIR’ is the new intercom meme for the pilot. The copilot then says, “What the hell happened to the F-14’s?”.
The silver B61 streaked invisibly through the clear blue sky, and when it reached 1200 feet AGL it went off, and like the sword of Jesus, it smited Zion in a bright flash. The defensive position of the IDF was completely annihilated, and the mound of dirt called Megiddo was completely vaporized and was made no more. Higher consciousness had finally defeated the Zionist Jews with one thermonuclear bomb dropped by an atheist pilot.
Historians later decide that bomb drop was the decisive moment in World War 3 that ended Israel. It was the undoubting faith in freedom of the atheist pilot that had led to that moment, the crew that had been the joke of the bomb squadron were now the resident heroes. Little did they know, that the entire flight had been hacked and was being broadcast live on the internet. All around the nation, surviving Americans of WW3 were sitting around radios cheering them on. Our flyboys were huge heroes in now free America and they still had a long way to go to complete their mission.
But Captain Pickens didn’t know or care about any of that, he was thinking real hard about what just went down with the Iranian F-14’s. How come they were right there on the bomb run, how did they know what they were doing? How could Iranian camel jockeys know more than him? Why was the KC-135 dead ahead even there? How could any of this be real? All his dreams and wishes were coming true. It was way to coincidental, he had been trained in math and physics and didn’t believe in coincidence or the hand of god. Something much bigger was looking out for them, but what the hell was it?