Pickens turned the bomber southwest as soon as the B61 cleared the bomb bay. He shoved the throttles up to Military, which is full thrust unless your aircraft has afterburners. The goal was to get as far away from the bomb as it parachuted down, they had been aiming for the stoned plaza of the Dome of the Rock. During mission planning the Navigator had drawn a target rectangle that matched the Temple Mount plateau, the crew had joked that all the Muslims of the Muslim quarter would be inside the target box praying when they showed up with da bomb.
Capt Pickens was proud of his crew, they were the bombing champs of the squadron, and boy that Radar Navigator was good, he was Jewish, no wonder they won all the bomb competitions. Regardless of what anyone wants to say about most Jews, they are mighty competent at whatever they do. Pickens was picked on by the staff, he was an avowed atheist, so the stuck his crew with a Jewish Radar and a black Muslim gunner, who was the only black and only Muslim in the flying squadron.
Pickens was running the motley crew, and everyone joked about it – often referred to as the ‘motley fool’ by the other aircraft commanders. He didn’t care, they won the bombing competitions nearly every time and he was the pride of the bombing squadron, his hands were so steady during air refueling the instructors who were giving the annual check rides would throw the clip board away.
He was good as far as pilots go, but he was cracking a beer five minutes after landing and wore his uniform in a disheveled fashion, his hair was barely combed. He was the quintessential bachelor and almost never washed his clothes, let alone press his uniform, while the rest of the pilots had nice picket fence Caucasian brides who made their husbands look perfect before they went out the door in the morning. The squadron was picture perfect White Anglo Saxon Protestant heaven, except for his bastard crew.
When the bomb floated down, would any fool still in that area there even know what it was? They were told the city was evacuated because ISIS had changed hands and was now being run by real Muslims – real angry Muslims who were liberating Palestine. Would the devout think it was a package sent by God Almighty? Hopefully, Pickens thought, then he laughed, hopefully those Muslims will all stand around that 700 pound silver thermonuclear bomb as it ticked away to detonation and pray to it like an aborigine cargo cult.
The bomb had actually missed – it was way short and landed by some miracle of faith right in the Garden of Gethsemane! By some electronic quirk, or karmic fate, or the hand of god, the hell bomb landed right where Jesus supposedly stood two thousand years earlier, but no one in high command knew until an overflight by an SR-71 took pictures of the blast site.
The crew didn’t know, that at the time they overflew the Grand Mosque, that things had changed in the holy city by quite a lot in the previous two weeks. Luckily for the bomb, it didn’t land on the Temple Mount because the Muslims had taken up defense with heavy machine guns on the roof of the temple. They had a secret storage in the caverns below and when the West was nuked. First they jumped around like a gang of Mexicans getting out of lockup then took up guard on the roof – they would of shot the bomb to pieces if it landed on the temple square.
Legend has it the bomb was 777 feet short of the target, but still close enough to topple the Dome. With nukes, near misses still count, and the bomb was set on maximum yield. The particular bomb they dropped was a B61 Mod 7, a variable yield upgraded thermonuclear device produced by the Los Alamos lab, it was set on maximum, yield an equivalent of 340 kilotons of TNT, the explosion was twenty times more explosive power than the 20 KT Little Boy dropped on Hiroshima. When it went off it was a real big blast, leaving a huge crater, the rim was nearly a half kilometer wide. With nukes, near misses nearly always count.
After their bomb drop, Jerusalem would no longer be inhabited, the crew was supposed to have done an air drop on the Dome with a 1.5 KT yield, take out the Dome and not the city. Our crew destroyed Jerusalem entirely. So you could say Jesus weeped again. The believers never forgave Captain Slim Pickens, he had destroyed the holiest city of the Jews and Christians and blasted the most sacred temple of the Mohammed faith – ‘blasted it to smithereens’ he would say later. But the fact remains, his historic flight did accomplished exactly what command wanted, an end to the ridiculous faiths that had hijacked the modern nation states.
As the crew sped away, nobody was shooting at them either. Apparently the remaining residents of Jerusalem still thought that an American B-52 was on their side. In war, confusion reigns supreme, who is working for who, who is the real enemy? The B-52 flew nearly directly over Dome at 2000 feet AGL, the wind was blowing south so the aircraft was north slightly to compensate. The Hezbollah gunners on the roof couldn’t get their heavy guns trained on an overhead craft, so they shot at the BUFF with light firearms and missed.
The bomber had only been in range of their weapons for a few seconds. Every combat pilot knows instinctually that when over the target zone you go as fast as you can to minimize the Delta Tee, you want to minimize your time over target. As they sped away the navigator counted down to detonation “…3,2,1, now, shock wave in 20 secs pilot.” . It took nearly two and a half minutes for the bomb blast to reach our sweating crew and the suspense was dreadful, did the bomb go off and if it did were they far enough away to survive the intense heat and light?
The B-52 was hurtling as fast as it could low level, about 440 knots (0.77 Mach), and the shock wave moving at the speed of sound (655 knots/750 mph/ Mach 1.0) would overtake them but they would be 20 miles away by that time, well clear of the blast radius. The bomb detonated right on time, 120 seconds after touching down, the parachute cord was all tangled in the Olive trees in the Garden of Gethsemane, right were Jesus never actually stood.
Fate happened on that day of 29 March, 2015. To this day no one can figure out why the bomb landed there, security cameras had captured images of the bomb landing in the holiest olive grove on the planet, some said it looked like an angel from heaven had floated down when the parachute gently covered the bomb and a sacred Olive tree. Those images were captured on the internet and downloaded all around the world before the bomb vaporized the cameras and everything else in a 10 kilometer range. The conspiracy websites like God Like Productions were immediately abuzz about a real miracle, it was the top post for over a week, two weeks before the Command staff got spy plane imagery.
Christian believers said Jesus’s very hand guided the bomb, Muslims said Allah’s hand tried to stop the bomb but their faith and prayers were lacking. The Jews said some putz wrecked their long held plan of world domination. Strategic Command knew exactly what happened after they got the navigation and bomb recorders analyzed. The crew later said they were overly ‘analized’ by Command staff. They had successfully taken out the assigned target, so screw the details on how they actually pulled it off.
The staff had discovered their own error while planning the mission, the crew had entered correctly the wrong initial settings into the bomb computer. Strategic High Command, political as always, covered up the event denying that Slim Pickens ever worked for them, in a press release they said that he was a Hollywood actor, not a bombardier. Senator John McCain said Russia did it, and in a televised conference, he grimaced and said if he was President then he would of bombed Russia on the first day in office because they were all commie atheists.
Years later Pickens would tell his friends in a San Antonio bar what he thought happened, his focused thought intention had manifested, he had been very focused on ending all religions. He said that their was much thought energy around the Garden and Jerusalem – and since that thought energy around the garden was weeping energy, the bomb was pulled there by the mass intentions of millions of believers in this conscious holographic universe. No one at the bar knew what the hell he was talking about, they thought of him as a good drinking buddy but bordering on as a New Age quack. Everyone in Texas knows Jesus is real and that we won the war because God was on the side of America.